With roots in Acadian heritage & access to all of nature’s beauty of northern Maine, I’ve found a space in my life for my creative endeavors- finally putting proverbial pen to paper.

I figured that being a mixed bag of what it means to be Acadian in the year of 2024 means that it’s up to me to share the parts of our heritage that helped us survive. But sharing what’s helped us survive requires honesty about the damage caused to us in the process. It’s my duty to be honest about my experience because if we are not honest, our integrity is lost.

We hang on so tightly to the pride that we have with who our parents, memeres & peperes, grande-meres & grand-peres, and up and up and up are and what they stand for. I remember my grandfather being the kind of guy who stood up for what was right and honorable. He didn’t need an award or a label, he often discredited religion. But knowing that I may not share the same outward values as I learn to heal from my workaholism, giving myself permission to rest when needed, not when I earn it. But to my core, I do still have the same moral compass. The one that tells me now that I know better, I should do better.

I have the same driving desire to do right by those who are true to me and the absolute surety that justice is served for the little guy, even if we are little ourselves. I will do so knowing that I may become a target with my truth telling when dishonesty is what’s expected to make people feel comfortable. We, as a family culture, don’t see hierarchical value in human life, we see people as people and if they provide a value to ours, we will do our best to reciprocate. But we will still be kind if met with mean behavior while taking no shit. We work hard, so hard. And we can cook. My goodness, we can fuckin’ cook.

But here’s where I have to learn to cling to what made me who I am while simultaneously shedding what’s caused me harm. Because when you don’t know how to limit yourself through a lack of self regulating behaviors, you can become a pretty implosive little shrew and wind up fulfilling the prophecy that there’s no time to rest and that you have to spin your wheels 24/7 without a thought otherwise.

Because, being a lady-like human on the cusp of 40, I feel I am truly rooted in myself enough to know that I deserve the same kind of love, grace, and forgiveness that I so willingly “should on ” everyone else. To further propel this journey through this life, I’ve had a fucking year that would get a simplistic title of: Grief in the memoir, but has an ever-spiderwebbing crack on the windshield of my mind’s eye.

So, I’ve had to re-evaluate how my values match my vision of success in this life. I think the white picket fence idea had it’s worth in society, as did the nuclear family, but I think what society’s crumbling is telling us is that as a species we can’t be separated from a sense of community. True community where we depend and trust one another even if we have differing views. A place where it’s safe to show up “as an outsider”, a place that Jesus would be able to vibe with. And while I’m not a Christian in a traditional sense, I hold a very strong moral compass I can attribute to my Christian upbringing.

My thread of understanding has been a culmination of my recovery journey from a life filled with toxic belief systems that kept me trapped in a mindset that I was never enough and I had to always outdo myself for gratification. I’m working on gratifying myself with rest, relaxation, and a drive to change the world around me, one action at a time.

So, here we are. Our very first overshare. Welcome, there will be more.